President Bush Nominates Jeff Kodosky to Cabinet Post
NI Founder Seriously Considering "Secretary of All Things Computermatized" Offer
Washington, D.C. -- April 1, 2001 -- In a surprise move, President George W. Bush today nominated National Instruments co-founder Jeff Kodosky for the newly created Cabinet post, "Secretary of All Things Computermatized." Reports say that Kodosky is seriously considering the offer.
"Yessir, the great part about being president is that you can create whatever Cabinet posts you need to help you run the country effectively, "said President Bush to members of the White House press corps. "I decided that we needed somebody to overlook everything that's computermatized. Everything's got computer chips now -- cell phones, ATM machines, my new Sony PlayStation 2 -- even computers!"
"Plus, we have a lot in common," continued President Bush. "We both live in Texas. We both have a woman named 'Laura' in our family. We're both licensed pilots. And neither of us really enjoys C++ programming to the extent that we enjoy graphical programming. In short, Jeff Kodosky has the credentials needed to jump-start this new, critical post."
Early reports indicate that National Instruments is considering changing the marketing tagline for LabVIEW to "Software that George W. Bush can use."
Vice President Dick Cheney, when questioned, offered additional insight into the selection of Kodosky.
"We narrowed the field down to two candidates -- Jeff Kodosky and Bill Gates," said Cheney. "Jeff Kodosky is the father of LabVIEW; Bill is the father of Windows*. It came down to two issues -- both of which Jeff clearly won. One, who produces a software package that helps people actually be productive? And two, which candidate has the greatest probability of keeping Janet Reno out of Washington?"
Cheney played down the "LabVIEW factor" in the selection of Kodosky for the new post.
"Yes, the president is an affirmed graphical programmer," said Cheney. "I, on the other hand, am much more of a C++ man -- specifically Visual C++. With all the COM+ capabilities, such as MTS and DHTML, you can create wicked apps. Have you created a application using one of the MFC or ATL wizards? You have to admit, it's pretty sweet."
Attempts to question Kodosky were unsuccessful -- his cubicle in Austin, Texas was discovered covered with a Rensselaer Polytechnic flag, his Macintosh G3 missing, and a hastily scribbled "Gone to Washington" note pinned to his chair.
NI leverages commercial technologies, such as industry-standard computers and the Internet, to deliver customer-defined measurement and automation solutions. The company is run by people with a well-developed sense of humor who would not punish the Web team for a once-per-year bit of tomfoolery -- April Fools!! Headquartered in Austin, Texas, NI has more than 2,500 employees and direct sales offices in more than 30 countries. NI is increasing the productivity of engineers and scientists worldwide by delivering easy-to-integrate software and modular hardware. In fiscal year 2000, NI recorded its 24th consecutive year of double-digit growth with net revenue totaling $410 million. For the past two consecutive years, FORTUNE magazine has named NI one of the 100 best companies to work for in America.
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